Some thoughts on Passion

The following blog post on passion was for my good friend Stephen as a past of the 'Summer of Wholeness' project.

This morning my son had the TV remote and he was flicking through the channels trying to find something to watch. He got to ESPN and let out a shriek of excitement. He’d found the WRC Rally show. Neither I nor my wife have ever really found cars that exciting. As long as it works, as long at it does its job, we’re good with that. That all changed when our boy started to talk. Of his first ten words, I think 6 of them were types of cars. Since that moment, cars have been his passion for cars just spills out of him and into our family life. Even though I’m not into cars, I love these moments and I chase them with him. It’s amazing to see him so full of energy and full of joy. This is when he feels most alive.

So when do you feel most alive? What is it that gives you energy? What is it that makes you say “wow”? Today we are thinking about living our passions and how you answer these questions will tell you a lot about what your passions are. Maybe it’s chasing down a PB when you run. Maybe it’s walking. Maybe it’s music, painting, driving or drinking a really great cup of coffee. For me, it’s reading scripture or Christian books, taking in great views and helping people grow.

Sometimes we have to approach it from the other direction to discover our passions. Sometimes our passions arise from what makes us angry. I have a friend who is passionate about justice and spends her time campaigning on behalf of others. This is what makes her feel so alive. It was and is her anger that drives her passion. Interesting huh?

Psalm 139:13 says “you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother’s womb.” (Message). This tells me that my passions are God placed. He shaped me so that I would really hate math but really love reading. So when I get the buzz I get from a new idea or seeing that person grow, I am living out my God-placed passions. These are holy moments.

So, how can we live out our passions? It’s all about being intentional. We need to create space in our diaries specifically for these passions. Regularly. Make them a priority and do as much as you can without ignoring other important duties. We then need to find places. For me, I read in Starbucks, I walk in our local area of natural beauty and I am fortunate enough to have a job that enables me to help others grow. I’ve also found it helpful to share this with those around me. My wife is very aware that I need this time and she understands that it pays dividends in our family time. I’m much less cranky when I’ve had my time! So there you have it. What makes you feel most alive? Find out what it is and make time for it, find the right place for it and share it with those who love you.

Playing away from the gain line

Stuart Barnes wrote an interesting piece in about Alex Goode, the England full back, in the Times today. He makes the point that, while Alex Goode is not technically the best full back in the England squad, he is the best choice. This is not on the basis of not his technical ability but his intelligent reading of the game and how he brings the best out of his team-mates, especially Toby Flood. He writes:

"Flood is a fly-half who needs assistance. There is no doubting bravery of his attacking game. He relishes playing on the gain line but the balance of when to step back and seek space elsewhere is often anything but in evidence.

Goode sees the braoder canvas. He realises that the best pictures need and depth as well as all that furious foreground action". Stuart Barnes, The Times. 11.11.12.

I like the scrap of frontline youth ministry. I have a thirst for the dramatic. Taking new ground, through conversation, through strategy, through big, bold, brave moves. Nothing fires me up more than a new relationship formed, new trust being shared and seeing a young person or project make radical progress in their lives. My heart just pumps a little faster when I'm at the gainline.

I'm not so keen on sitting back and surveying the game and watching others scrap it out on the frontline. My soul doesn't quite fizz in the same way when I'm passing the ball to someone else and watching them put their body on the line, making yards and getting the accolades.

While being Toby Flood is fun for me, it isn't neccasarily what my church, or my young people need. They need me to be an Alex Goode. If my time at my church is to leave a legacy that lasts, I need to pass others the ball and let them run. So I'm resolving to step back, read the game and pass the ball to others. I'm resolving to say no to my own preferences, and my pride, and allow others to take the ground and the glory.

If only I could actually play like Alex Goode! Swiiiiiiiing low!

The Seasons of Youth Ministry

What is Growth in Youth Ministry? How do we measure it? Increased numbers? Increased committment? Deeper relationships? Intergration with the wider church? Sometimes in youth ministry we can feel we face an impossible job in which the goalposts of success move depending on who you are talking to.

There is always an ebb and flow to youth ministry, as there was with Jesus’ ministry. There were times when he had thousands of people following him, yet other times he seemed to play down the attention of thousands, in a bid to invest in just a few.

Likewise, this ebb and flow is accentuated by the nature of young people. Young people are in a constant state of growth: There’s the physical stuff; the physical transition from childhood to adulthood. But there is more than meets the eye: They are growing their sense of identity, they are constantly testing out their moral compass and making changes to who they are. They are growing their worldview and trying out new ideologies, trying to see what fits best. All in the context of a post-modern, fast moving, upgrading culture. 

In her book 'Practicing Passion', Kenda Creasey Dean calls this the Patchwork self. Young people are constantly applying new and discarding old patches. The Patches represent moral views and cultural nuances.This is the growth context in which we work. And I for one wouldnt change that for the world!

Therefore a growing youth ministry is always changing and responding to the changing reality. Just because it works right now, doesn’t mean it will work tomorrow. I'm convinced that every September is a new start; you may have the same young people, team and environment, but your group will have grown and changed significantly over the past year (or even over the summer). Don’t get complacent and don’t make assumptions!

A growing ministry recognises that youth ministry is a process of observing, responding and shaping your ministry. The youth worker is a contrast tinkerer, tweaking, developing and responding to the changing landscape.

So which is best? Does God want us to have increasing ministries or should we resist growth and keep things small? At the risk of sitting on the fence, I think that the answer is both. Ministry is about seasons, there will be seasons of numerical growth (spring) and new commitments, equally there will be seasons of depth (autumn).
 

Recently I learned that trees grow all year round. In Spring, the tree grows in height and colour. It is a time when the growth is at its most evident for all to see. The growth seems effortless and the tree is at it's boldest and most striking. In autumn, the tree loses it's colour, it stops growing upward, but it continues to grow. The growth is unseen, in the depths, as the tree grows it's roots. It is much harder to see and celebrate growth and to the untrained eye it seems as if there is no growth at all.

Youth ministry is like a tree. There, I said it. Spring is the season of evangelism and numerical growth. It's not hard for you (and your church) to see the fruits of the growth. You are surrounded by colour and your ministry just seems a bit taller. The hallmarks of a youth ministry spring is increased attendance, increased interest, new relationships being formed and an increased sense of momentum.

The autumn season is marked by unseen growth, but growth is still taking place. In autumn, our groups feel routine, it can be hard to be encouraged and there may be some numberical loss. But it reveals the young people that are not going to last the winter. 
In youth ministry, this is the season to grow deep. Numbers may fall, but this is time to give more attention to less young people.

How can I grow in the Spring season?

If God is calling us to a season of growth, where should I start? Observation. Observe your current situation. Are there any young people in your youth group? Is it possible for them to bring friends? What is the level of buy in from your young people? Involve them in the process. Friends of the young people is the obvious place to start.

But what if you feel called to reach out to a new group of young people? I would start by asking lots of questions: What does mission look like? Who is God calling us to? Is the ‘mission group’ compatible with my existing group? How will discipleship need to look like for this new group?

Young people exist in subcultures: bmxer, sporty, music. Therefore I would advocate a youth ministry that takes this in to consideration. Marko (in the book Youth Ministry 3.0) suggests that youth ministies should have multiple youth ministries to multiple subcultures. He says: 

‘One youth ministry will only reach one kind of kid, one subculture. Multiple youth ministries within the same church have the opportunity to establish contextualised, present (not driven) ministries of communion and mission in multiple youth culture contexts’. Mark Oestreicher

How to grow in the Autumn Season

The autumn season is the time to grow deep. It is the season for discipleship. Think mentoring, exploring the gifts of your young people and allowing them to use them and think integration into wider church. This would be the time to invest in your small groups.

In July's Youthwork Magazine, Krish Kandiah suggests a radical rethink of how we disciple. His reason? 7 out of 10 young people will not make it to their 20’s and still be in church. Inspired by the Sticky Faith initiative, he suggests three ways to stop the rot:

1. Desegregate the church whenever possible

2. Discover the gifts of your young people and allow them to use these to shape the church

3. Reverse that ratio: work towards having five adults investing in every one young person

And finally: Essential building blocks for growth

• Prayer and discernment: Seek God and observe your environment
• Be intentional: know what you are setting out to achieve in this season
• Seek out the right help: Get the right people in the right places that model discipleship and are prepared to commit for a generation
• Be faithful: To God, to you, to your church
• Keep moving: Recognise that you never arrive
• Sell the vision: Get buy in from the whole church. Shout about what you do.

The importance of taking time...

You know those seasons you have when you feel everything is a struggle? When every step takes all the strength you have? When your doubt causes you to question who you are and what you do?

When I feel like this I like to walk, usually to Newlands Corner. When I walk I worship, I read scripture. I shout at God. I ask him where he was. I wondered why he seemed to be hiding from me. I didn't look for solutions, I simply looked for Him. Did you know there is a whole book in the bible that is full of these kind of prayers? I used this particular passage:

Joy is gone from our hearts;
   our dancing has turned to mourning.
The crown has fallen from our head.
   Woe to us, for we have sinned!
Because of this our hearts are faint,
   because of these things our eyes grow dim
for Mount Zion, which lies desolate,
   with jackals prowling over it.

You, LORD, reign forever;
   your throne endures from generation to generation.
Why do you always forget us?
   Why do you forsake us so long?
Restore us to yourself, LORD, that we may return;
   renew our days as of old
unless you have utterly rejected us
   and are angry with us beyond measure. 

(Lamentations 5:15-22)

God does not answer all my questions or solve all my problems, but he is waiting for me there. The last time I went on a God-walk, I was drawn to Numbers 13, where God sends a scouting party to explore the promise land that he was going to give to His people. The party came back with many good reasons why they should not even try to take the land: They are bigger than us, their have better defences than us, we've heard about the people there and they are scary. Of the party of twelve, ten of them wanted to abort the mission, but two of them got it. Joshua and Caleb believed that they could take them. Why? Because God was with them.

I'm contemplating what this all means for my own life, our youth ministry but I have this deep sense that the fruit is not 'in here' but out there. What would it mean for us as a church to truly give ourselves to the young people of our parish? We talk a lot about evangelism, but would we truly be prepared to sacrifice our own preferences for the sake of the gospel reaching those who have not heard? How would it shape where we put our resources?

None of these are easy questions to answer, but I have a feeling that where God is leading us may be huge in every way. While there may be a many reasons not to do it, the only real factor is the God who seems to be leading us there.

As I read back over this post it sounds more like a journal piece than anything else. Not profound or full of wisdom, but real and earthy. The moral of the story? To take time out to draw breath and engage with God. Not to find answers, or to get solutions, but just because you can.

I leave you with the soundtrack of my Friday with God:

Take my hand, I give it to you
Now you own me, all I am
You said You would never leave me
I believe You, I believe

(Dave Crowder Band, All Around Me)

Some things I've learned (and some others that I've been reminded of)...

As the school year draws to a close, I've been reflecting on what has been a great year of life and ministry at Emmanuel. Here are some of the highlights...

1. God's plans are better than mine

Leading a Youth Alpha session

We all make plans and have ideas about what should happen when, and how. I've been amazed at the pace in which Emmanuel Youth has grown this year. My experience told me to expect a slow start. Year one is usually about getting bedded in and getting a feel for your surroundings... right? 

Fancy dress at Soul Survivor

It seems God had a different plan, in particular for our 14-18's ministry, which quadrupled in size as a result of a fantastic team, some home visits and the Youth Alpha we ran in the Spring Term. I'm so glad God didn't go with my ideas...

2. God is active outside the walls of the church

Back in February I had a call from a family in our parish requesting a visit. This family were not involved in the church and did not have a Christian background. When I visited, I sat down with the mum and 10 year old daughter and they started to ask about baptism for the 10 year old. Naturally I was curious and asked why she might want to be baptised, to which the response was "I just want more of God in my life". After picking my jaw up off the floor, I continued the conversation, and invited her to our groups. She is now a regular attendee of our discipleship stream for 10-13's...

3. We all need to be challenged

I started a prayer triplet with two old mates in September, and we've managed to keep it going throughout the year. We set out to be "as iron sharpens iron" (Proverbs 27:17) in each others lives, and I've really valued the times of challenge, support and stretching. We all need a place where we can be open, accountable and questionned. Especially me.

One of my favourite quotes was from a recent get-together:

"We've made the gospel to be like a cheese sandwich, when it's a huge feast. I mean, who wants a cheese sandwich?"

4. It's a real blessing to have a supportive church

I can't tell you how supportive Emmanuel has been this year. The conversation I had with the then church warden sums up my experience, in a rather amusing way. We were busy testing out the setup for the upcoming Youth Alpha, and the conversation went like this:

Me: Yep, the new HD projector looks great, as do the new backdrops. I also like the new sofas and beanbags. Thanks for putting the new PA in place, it works well, but...

CW: But...

The Youth Alpha ball

Me: There's not really enough bass coming through is there?

CW: Hmm...

Me: Do we have a subwoofer in the church?

CW: I'll see what I can do

And lo and behold, the sub was purchased and in place the following week! What a guy!

5. Never leave your wet pants in the vestry...

A remake of the baptism moment, using sweets!

During a recent baptism service, the usual drill applied. After baptism, get changed as quick as you can, and back out there for the final song. Without being proud, I was impressed with the sheer speed and accuracy at which I completed the manouvre. That was, until the next day, when my boss came walking into the staff meeting with my wet pants in his hand.

It had turned out that the local primary school were visiting, and had subseqently got more than they bargained for out of the vestry...

Lessons about Sexuality from Genesis 2 and Skins Series 5

Lessons about Sexuality from Genesis 2 and Skins Series 5

A few weeks ago we took a broad look at sexuality with our 14+ young people. I found it really enjoyable to look at this again and I think I trust God that knows best even more than ever. Most of the session was drawn from Rob Bell's book, 'Sex God' and an episode of Skins that caught my attention last year. If you are working with young people I recommend both.

Initially we looked at what the bible says about sex. Sex is good and God invented it (Genesis 1:27), sex is supposed to be interesting (Proverbs 5:18-19), sex should be kept within marriage (Exodus 20:14) and correct use of our sexuality is very important to God and to society (Leviticus 20:10). We know that Jesus took it a stage further by saying that lust corrupts us just as much as the improper use of sex (Matthew 5:27-29).

Genesis tells us that God made Eve as a response to Adam's loneliness and that through their sexual encounter they become will become one (Genesis 2:24), and the chapter ends with the words 'and they were naked, and they felt no shame' (Genesis 2:25). So the Genesis account indicates that sex is more than just sex. There is a profound depth to our sexuality that involves belonging, oneness and vulnerability.

The Jewish marriage process placed sexuality right at the heart of marriage. Central to the whole marriage ceremony was a prayer shawl, which was called a chuppah. The couple would make their engagement vows under the chuppah, then later return to the chuppah to make their marriage vows. The chuppah would then head off to the honeymoon suite (my words), under which they would consummate their marriage.

During which the guests would wait, because to be frank, there would be no party until they have done the deed. So for the Old Testament Jew, sex is not an option to being married, it is essential. If there is no sex on the wedding day, no marriage, no party and no embarrassing uncle dancing to the YMCA. Can you imagine the pressure?

So the bible clearly sees sex and marriage as intrinsically linked. You don’t get one without the other. Sex is spiritual marriage (Exodus 22:16).

So where does the Skins episode fit? Series 5 episode 3 is all about 'Mini'. Mini, unlike most of her mates, is a virgin, and has been dating her boyfriend for a short time. He starts to pressure her for sex, stating that he has "waited weeks for this" and the episode follows their relationship as the story unfolds until she makes her decision. 

The key tension is the couples contrasting views of the sexual experience. Mini dreams of a romantic, loving, perfect moment kind of sex. For her boyfriend, sex is purely and simply about the physical encounter. In the end, Mini relents, has sex and immediately regrets it.

Neither of the characters get what they want out of the experience. Mini is left broken and disappointed and you get a sense that’s she’s lost something. She’s given herself away. And when sex is just sex, it never satisfies us. It always leaves us wanting. Sex is designed as an overflow to our nakedness, rather than a solution to it.

Most of the time we think we crave the physical encounter, but the root of that desire is a need for belonging, acceptance and oneness. What we really seeking is the connection that Adam and Eve had in Eden - both with God and each other.

And to give Mr Bell the final word he deserves:

"It’s easy to take your clothes off and have sex, but to open up your soul to someone in complete vulnerability? That’s tough. That’s hard. But that’s the place for the best sex to happen. That’s God’s best for you and me."

God at the party

We recently started a series on faith and culture with our 14+ young people at church. Over the next four weeks we'll be exploring what it means to be a Christian in a sexualised, a hedonistic and a media driven culture. This mini-series will be conversational and we'll be asking the young people for their input, as they know youth culture better than we do. Expect more on this but here are a few initial thoughts.


The 'Skins' Culture
In my experience the media tend to do a pretty good job of defining a culture, and then adding 20% to make it more interesting or controversial. One of the more recent media snapshots of youth culture is the Channel 4 tv show 'Skins'.

The show follows a group of sixth formers from their first day at college until their last day, when they step out into the big wide world. Each episode follows a different character and the writers use the characters to unpack and explore issues that young people face. I've watched them tackle mental illness, death, substance abuse, eating disorders and they’ve done loads of stuff on identity.

A personal favourite of mine was the J.J episode in Series 3 (Episode 7) where they tackled the issues that autistic children and their families face, especially when the young person is trying to navigate their way through mainstream education. Having worked a little with autistic young people, I found this deeply moving and very close to the mark.

The negative side is really obvious from the first moment of the show. This show is definitely not for kids, but it acts as a great social commentary to those interested in young people. The characters live a hedonistic, not a care in the world lifestyle.  No matter what the situation, their first instinct is to please themselves in whatever way they can. They drink when they want to, take drugs when they want to, they say what they want when they want, they sleep with whoever they want. As long as they are happy, in that moment, nothing else matters.

This type of culture is strongly influenced by a philosophy called ‘Existentialism’. Existentialism is a way of seeing the world as a series of independent moments and nothing matters other than the choice you want to make in that moment. In this philosophy,  life is just a series of moments that don’t relate to each other. There are no reasons. There is no purpose. In Existentialism, life is just random events, so enjoy the moment for what it is and take no responsibility for the future.

'Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. 

Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily 

recognise what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it.’ (Romans 12:2 / The Message)

Of course the Christian view of the world is at odds with the Existentialist view. In it's simplest form, the verse above, which is our baseline verse for this series, points out in no uncertain terms that God does have a plan for you, firstly to be transformed, but then to be a part of God's work in transforming the world around us.

God at the Party
You don’t have to look very far in the gospels to see that Jesus liked parties and I love the image of Jesus 'reclining at the table' in Matthew 26. John records that Jesus’ first miracle was to turn water into wine at a wedding (John 2). I'm also always reminded that Jesus was consistently drawn towards the most non-religious people of the day. The disciples were made up of a lot of very colourful characters. Matthew was a crook, Simon and Andrew were working class lads that lived by the sea. These were not exactly the quality you would expect of the divine. Yet these people were his best friends and closest followers. They were the one's that really grasped the kingdom and went on to shape the world.

The gospels also show us that Jesus spent significant amount of his time at parties and having meals with these kinds of people. He was able to go into these situations and hold his integrity. He didn’t lose his calling or get drawn into their way of behaving. He went for a meal with a crooked businessman, but he didn’t buy into the scam.  He stuck up for a woman that slept around, but he wasn’t tempted to be just another guy that takes advantage of her.

Jesus moved towards these people in love, and was able to hold on to his integrity. He went into these situations but they didn’t break him, he didn’t compromise, in fact he turned them round into opportunities for healing, teaching and forgiveness.

I think that God wants you and me, to do the same. Yes we should  be careful not to fall into traps that harm us. Yes we should be sure that we can hold our identity and integrity. Yes there will be times to flee from a situation, relationship or habit. But God sends us into the world, into our schools to hold our integrity, and bring about the same transformation Jesus did.

So I won't be telling my young people not to go to parties. Instead, I'll be telling them to take Jesus with them as their plus one. Or maybe, just maybe, he's already there.